September 24???

That is the last time I posted....I guess I do need to get back on the band-wagon with this whole dieting thing. I have been so busy that I haven't spent any time worrying about my health or my eating habits. I just got back from a trip to NYC (work related) and did not work out any of the days I was there...although I did walk about 5280 miles, I swear I did. In any event, today we went and picked out dresses for Nick's wedding and they are so nice. all of my worries about finding a dress that would flatter me were really for nothing. You can check them out here. They are going to be Victorian lilac and off white. Very pretty.
So, Monday morning i am going to be hitting the gym again with my sister and begin trying to eat right (again). I keep on looking back to my previous blogs about how this time is going to be different and I am really going to try and it so! I'll report back at the end of the week with how things are going. Any tips? Leave 'em for me.

An ongoing battle

Do you ever find yourself toying whether or not to "eat it or not?" I mean, I know that my goal is to shed a few more pounds than I have done previously, however, doesn't a chocolate chip cookie taste better than a carrot or another fiber bar? I do want to lose weight and be healthy, not to mention look better in the clothes that I wear....
I always find myself stopping right before I am about to scarf down something not on "the good list," to think if I really deserve it or not. Deserve it?!?!? Does food really fall under a category of "deserving? If yes, then why? Why can't I get past the mentality that if I am going to eat something a bit unhealthy that I have to "earn it..." As if I am earning a grade on an essay or earning a salary...does it make sense? Usually when people earn something it is something good....something you work hard for.... so I guess my thinking is a bit twisted...
"I have eaten good all day, so I will blow it by 'earning' the right to a pound of chocolate..." Twisted. Absolutely twisted.

150 Calories!

"Yup, that's right 150 calories!"

"No way!" my husband said in his 'you're full of shit' tone.

"Carm, I am sure. I read it right here. There are 150 calories in on Twinkie. You just ate 450 calories in only 3 Twinkies.."

"I wish you wouldn't have told me that....we have some apples in the fridge right!?"

Well, there you have it. My being conscious of what goes in my mouth is also effecting my husband. I think that part of the problem with eating is that people don't pay much attention to the amount of calories that are being consumed in one sitting (me included!). It seems crazy to me that three Twinkies hold 450 calories....can you tell I am blown away here? I really think that is the next thing for me to tackle. (The first being, not hitting the vending machine at work....check mate on that one). I am going to try to be more aware of the amount of calories that are in some of my favorite "whatever I feel like eating foods." I really think I may be blown away....
• Starbucks Venti White Mocha 580 calories.....ugh...

Um...no

Here it is, I am into my third week of my lifestyle change and it has been so difficult to not open up a bag of Doritoes and down the whole thing in one sitting. Going to family parties and get togethers posed a major challenge for me this week! I find myself being pretty good when I get there, than I say to myself "It's OK to have just a few bites..." and before I know it I am downing a whole plate full of pizza bread or choosing to eat more lush for dessert. The dessert was lower in fat, BUT STILL! Does anyone have advice for get togethers? I come from a family who loves to eat a lot and enjoys snack foods such a chicken wing dip, dill dip, bread dip dip, dip, dippy do... I guess I am just feeling frustrated and would like some help in the department of self-control at family functions....any advice would be swell!

Dieting Sucks

That's really all I have to say about that!

Obsession?

SO, I have been doing this whole watching what I eat thing for a week now, and I must admit that I do feel good; naturally I would when the digits on the scale read two pounds less than last week. Yup, it did feel good. I was proud of myself for "sticking with it."

But how do you 'stick with it' for a lifetime? The fact that eating, food, and calories consume me is enough to drive me ape shit. Food devours my whole day. You see, I am an emotional eater, coupled with the fact that I am an emotional person, and “Houston, we have a problem.” I eat when people come over to visit, when I am having a bad day at work, when I am on the phone, when I am sitting in front of my computer, when I am driving in my car. And, if I am not eating during those times, I am thinking about eating. Fighting against the pull of my steering wheel as my Jeep moves slowly past Tim Horton’s, seems to be a daily occurrence for me. How do I get food off of my mind? I am becoming obsessed with the fact that I cannot eat certain foods…..ugh! It is honestly aggravating, yet at the same time I do want to move forward with my weight loss, I do want to be healthy for myself and for my daughter….I guess I just need to take it one meal at a time and not look at this as a lifelong change. (For those of you reading this, I certainly do understand this is a life-long change, my taste buds, though…they are a different story…..)

I am excited however, that Angela is going to be looking for alternative, healthier menu options for the foods that I love. I really am hoping she will find a menu item for chicken wings…..well, start the clock…in 15 minutes that craving will be gone and I will be moving on to something different. I think I will go brush my teeth. Nothing tastes good after you brush your teeth..right!?!?

When in doubt, pack it!

Take today for instance, I didn’t pack a lunch for work because of a 5 month old needing to be fed and changed (she is so adorable…take a look) and because I was creating my blog last night and ran out of hours in my day. Back to my point, though, today’s lunch, which I did end up purchasing from work, was surprisingly tasty. I ordered off of the “Lite Side” of the menu. I ate a turkey sandwich on wheat bread with peppers, onions, and mushrooms, served with a slice of reduced fat cheese and a salad (well, a pile of lettuce with tomatoes on top). It tasted better than I thought, ‘well this dieting stuff really can be appetizing.’ and then I understood why.
GREASE. LARD. BUTTER.
Call it what you will, regardless of its nick-name of choice it was there. Dark droplets of fat were left behind from my sandwich made to order from the “lite side” of the menu. And I had to stop and think…
You know. Just when I am beginning to get my shit together (mind you this is only day 2, so I truly am in the beginning stages of this life-long change) I get smacked in the face with extra lard. If I really wanted to I could have asked for extra butter to be added to the bread, or better yet could have ordered the cheeseburger I saw spewing grease from the grill, but no, I tried….I did. I tried to be good and it just tasted too good to be true. (Literally).
Word to the wise..plan ahead and don’t order from the “lite side.” Pack it from home so you know what the hell you are eating….